Merry Christmas!

Here I am. 1:34 in the wee hours of the morning and I decided to do a quick blog. I don't know why, but this Christmas I was a little bit of a Scrooge when it came to holiday spirit. I think for once, I really did get too caught up in the holiday hustle & bustle -- I had so much to do with buying presents for everyone and making sure they'd love them, and then trying to keep on top of two busy work schedules...laundry and exercise got left on the back-burner...and pretty sure I now have a slight twitch in my left eye from all the stress I've been causing myself. As Will Ferrell would put it, I became an angry elf. I'm a little sad that I got so tied up in everything material that I didn't stop to enjoy the real celebration of Christ's birth. I mean, yeah I sang the hymns and listened to many nativity stories, but I quickly would revert back to thinking about my to-do list. 

But now Christmas has come and gone, dang it!! It goes too quick I tell ya.

Note to self: Next year, finish shopping in November so I can avoid the stress in December. Either that, or Amazon.com it up baby!!

Thinking back on 2013, I'm flooded with so many wonderful memories. I quickly realize how blessed my life is and how grateful I am for all I've been able to experience. Here's to looking forward to new adventures and more memorable moments for 2014!! 

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

Grandpa Fred

Today, grandpa passed away. Dad called me around 11:00 a.m. letting me know that grandpa had passed just after he had woken up. I can't remember all the details dad told me...all I could think about was, is he really gone? My first reaction was a gasp and my jaw dropped. I mean, grandpa has been pretty slow lately, but last I talked to him, he was just so happy and didn't show any signs of exhaustion...and even if he was tired, he just put on his happiest face and joined in on the party. Its so weird...death. What do you do? How do you react? What are you suppose to do after the fact? I feel weird just going back to what I was doing before dad called. Its so silly -- I was just adding people on LinkedIn... Now what do I do? Do I get ready for work? Should I sit and think about grandpa? And then what do I do when I go to work? Just go serve people food and put this at the back of my mind so I can get through work? I can't and don't want to stop thinking about grandpa...

...

I just got back from grandma and grandpa's house. I first went into work thinking, okay I can tough it out, besides, if grandpa were here he'd tell me to stop crying and get to work! But I do think there needs to be some time for grieving. Luckily, my coworkers were kind to me and helped me out so I could go visit with my family at my grandparent's home. When I got there, I saw a few of my family members, and then I saw my grandma, and she was just sitting in the office chair talking to someone on the phone, but gave me a little smile with a few tears in her eyes and waved. I was glad to know that she could still put a smile on her face. Later as we hugged, she just kept saying with a smile, "This is okay, it'll be okay." It brought me so much peace just sitting and being with family. We sat around and looked at a binder grandpa had put together. It was his funeral binder that he had organized many years ago. Who does that! And when I say organized, he was or-ga-niiiized! One trait that I wish I had. In this binder, it had everything you could think of to take care of things after he had gone. It was more like a thick book than a binder. Pages were tabbed, articles were collected containing financial information on how to take care of funerals, he even had researched all types of caskets -- he chose the cheapest one, naturally. The best part of it was that he put humor in almost every page. As we were reading through it, I think we all laughed way more than we cried.

... Grandpa, we love you so much and already miss you like crazy. The last time we chatted on the phone, we were both at separate parties but you promised me we would have a party together soon. Well, I am going to hold you to that promise and I look forward to our next party! You bring the hot fudge, I'll bring the home-made ice cream along with some awesome mint chocolate chip. I'm so glad I got to see you one last time in your home. I'll miss sitting with you and hearing stories of your past. I'm so grateful for out little chats, and I loved hearing you tell me how proud of me you were. It makes me proud to have such a loving grandpa who lets me know how special I am. You would always tell me to be a good girl, and I'm doing my best. Above all, I'm going to miss your hugs. Especially when you squeeze me so tight and say "Let go, let go~!" I'm sending you the biggest hug from my heart, and no, I will not let go :) Love you grandpa!

I love these pictures of my grandpa's hands. Its so interesting because there were only a few images of grandpa from my wedding luncheon, but from these few images, they are exactly what I remember from grandpa. If ever he was just sitting, relaxing, or just listening to a conversation, he would always hold his hands as he sat, intertwining his fingers, and close to his face. I'm so grateful for these portraits and will cherish them forever. 

My first 10K.

I did it! I achieved my goal. I ran and finished a 10K with my big sis!

Sachi has turned into a crazy running lady this year. She started training at around the beginning of the summer in order to run a 10K and finished with a half marathon. I was so inspired by her so I decided I wanted to try something too. I asked for her advice and she didn't even hesitate to jump in with me! So she found us a 10K that was about 4 weeks away. I was scared out of my mind with only 4 weeks of training. It may sound like a long time for some of you, but it definitely didn't seem like it. This summer was insanely busy with both working at Su Casa 6 days a week and shooting or editing for my photography business, so I put a lot of things on the back burner, exercise being one of them. Going from no exercise for 2 1/2 months to running everyday was really a challenge, but I knew I had to keep it up to make sure I could run the 6 miles at the race. I'm the kind of person who needs reassurance to be able to do anything, so I wanted to be able to train running the 6 miles sometime before the actual race.

Nope. Never happened.

We got to the day of the race and I was so nervous! The farthest I had run was 5 miles with DJ and even then he had to pull me along and keep his hand on my back to keep me going on the last mile. So thinking about doing another mile on top of that...oy vey. The entire drive there I kept having doubts and being so negative, "...can I really do this? Can I run 6 miles? Holy crap, I should be able to do 6 freaking miles, that's not even hard for lots of people...people run marathons! Why can't I do 6 miles?! Ugh this is so embarrassing!" ...stuff like that. Anyway. I was psychin' myself out. 

Finally we get to Thanksgiving Point and oh. my. heck. ITS FREEZING!!! And we had gotten there a bit early too, so we were outside letting our bodies freeze for about 25 minutes before the race started. Smart Mari. Smart. (Not livin' up to my nickname, huh dad?)

When the announcer says we're only a few minutes away from starting, we go to get in the line. I was thinking we'd be in the crowd, but then Sachi turns to me and says we should be at the front! Of course I just follow because at this point I think I couldn't process things clearly because, one, it was too early, two, it was too cold, and three, the only thing I kept thinking was 'I am so stinkin' nervous'. 

"30 seconds ladies!"

AH! I don't know why but I turned to Sachi and said, "I need to bite something!" Weird, I know.

"10 seconds!"

Again, I turned to Sachi and said, "Okay, I really need to bite something!!"

**BANG**!!

And so it began. 

I won't bore you with all my thought processes during my run, but I can just tell you, I couldn't have done it without my big sis by my side. Yeah she probably could have run a lot faster than I was running, but she stuck with me keeping me motivated. She was my moral AND physical support -- On the last mile, she pushed me from behind to help me keep going. And when I'd start falling behind, she'd grab my hand and pull me forward. I made it the whole race without walking, which I hadn't done in any of the longer runs when I was training! So that was huge for me. I'm so glad I have a big sister who cares for me and pushes me to do better! 

Final Results: 

I finished 22nd out of 80 in my age group, and overall, 58th out of 294!